Anyone who has worked in PR is aware of just how stressful the job can be. In fact, the job of a PR executive had the honor of being named the sixth most stressful job in the U.S. in 2016, falling just below jobs that place you in immediate physical danger like being a military personal or a firefighter. While PR pros may not be running into burning buildings on their average work day, they are certainly expected to put out metaphorical fires on a regular basis. The unpredictability, running from a client meeting to an event while responding to media requests, and the constant deadlines are just a few factors that can up the stress levels of the most seasoned PR professionals. Even those who thrive in the sort of stressful conditions PR creates aren’t immune to the side effects – no one is. So what do you do when you’re faced with a coworker, employee or even a boss who is clearly on the edge of a stress-induced mental break down? Well I can certainly tell you what not to do: Tell them to relax.
“Relax!” or “Just calm down, OK?” or “It’s not that big of a deal,” may seem like perfectly adequate responses when someone else is stressed out, but in reality it sends all the wrong messages. In fact, if you do tell a coworker, or anyone for that matter, to calm down, there is a good chance they’ll start seeing red. So what is it about telling people to relax that creates the opposite effect?
It’s dismissive
Telling someone to relax immediately invalidates their feelings, making them believe their stress is irrelevant or embarrassing, and can be downright hurtful. The automatic reaction for most people when they feel embarrassed is to suppress their emotions, which almost always backfires. The more an emotion is hidden, the more likely it is to leak out at unexpected times, especially in a fast-paced work environment like PR.
Being dismissive can also make employees or coworkers feel like their work is unimportant. If there is a tight deadline or heavy workload, saying, “It’s not that big of a deal, relax,” can cause people to shut down and question why they are doing the work in the first place.
It lacks empathy
Everyone who has a job has experienced stress at least once, there is no way around it, so it’s a feeling we all understand, yet it can be incredibly hard to empathize with. The problem is that stress hits people in different ways and for different reasons, and it is very hard to compare one cause of stress to another. Unfortunately, a majority of the time people who appear stressed are not looking for someone to fix all their problems, but are looking for someone to validate their feelings and empathize with their current state.
It can lead to mistrust
Other people’s stress is uncomfortable if you don’t feel the same pressure, there is no way around that, so telling someone to calm down can give the impression that you are trying to create some distance to make yourself feel more comfortable. This can be an especially big problem as a leader. If an employee comes to you looking for advice or empathy and you dismiss their feelings because it is uncomfortable, there is a good chance that employee won’t feel comfortable coming to you anymore and will create tension in the workplace.
The best way to aid someone who is having a hard time is to acknowledge the problem, show empathy and ask questions to try and find a way to relieve some of the burden. The more open and communicative a workplace is, the less often stressful situations will arise, which can result in higher job performance and greater workplace satisfaction.
So then next time you’re faced with an overly stressed colleague, instead of saying, “Relax,” try “I know you are stressed, is there anything I can do to help?”